I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
