I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
