honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
