Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
