Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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