I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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