he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
