so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
