i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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