you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
