I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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