the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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