A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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