So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I got inside last night via doggy door
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
