im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize