you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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