just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
