so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
