he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
