She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
