Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
