I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
