Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
