I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
