yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
