Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
