I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
