plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
