All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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