i love accidental penises.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
