If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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