I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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