Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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