you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
