I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
