singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
