And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
