i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
