i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
