nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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