They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
God, I missed his penis.
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