I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
