you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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