happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
