fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
