I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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