i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
