i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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