Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
