who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
