i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
