Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
