Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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