haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
