He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
