No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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