i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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