Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
