You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
