Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
