shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
