So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
