so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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