We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
