Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
