ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
