Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
