Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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