Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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