i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
