dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
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Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
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I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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