All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
