Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
