God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Randomize
